my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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