sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
40s are totally the cure
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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