But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
