"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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