My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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