I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
