Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
