You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
