So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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