I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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