I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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