it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
