I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He passed out mid-signature
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
