A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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