quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
