i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
