Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize