I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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