The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
