Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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