maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
