So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
