Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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