We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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