I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
