If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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