Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
