Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
