I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
