are you so shy because you have an std?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize