i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
