he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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