I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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