apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
