I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
