he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
