Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
