I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize