Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
