Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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