dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
