Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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