one might say we're banned from that church
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize