i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
it's great music for shaving your balls
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
