My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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