her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize