Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
