youre lurking in front of me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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