Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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