i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
