If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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