This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
