Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
