i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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