all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
