so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
