how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
