We're facebook friends in real life
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
