Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
