Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize