I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
