It's Friday. Sex?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
