I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize