First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize