I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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