Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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