I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
